MY ROAD TO RECOVERY

Road to recovery 

 As we all know, it’s the most beautiful time of the year. It's that season again where our families join together to celebrate the Festive. It is unfortunate that not all families have the opportunity to celebrate and enjoy this season and very unfortunate that we don’t celebrate with all our family members. I believe this is the season we are all at our happiest moments and saddest moments as well, some made plans in 2021 for them to make 2022 their year but this went warry on them but ain’t that life?? 

How I wish I was here for the festive season,stay safe quotes but I’m here for me, as always. Besides it has been 2 years since I last got bullied and cyberbullied, today marks the last day I got bullied and it’s also my birthday just Incase you were wondering why all of the sudden I decided to bring this up, to me it’s like my last bullied day anniversary. Exposure to bullying can lead to psychological problems, such as depression, anxiety, anger, low self-esteem, and poor school performance. These problems are often associated with continued involvement in bullying behaviour , and may persist into adulthood if the behaviour is not addressed and treated properly, I guess that’s why I’m here also. 

The world and its ugliness 

For the first time in 6/7 years I am deciding to let go of this horrible past, today I get to taste my first adulthood and I don’t want to carry this load to my adulthood, the trauma was enough. From 2019 I hated this day also, because in 2019 the 17th of December around 19:23 I discovered that while I was out with my friends celebrating another year added to my life, my life was busy falling apart on these social media platforms because someone decided why not try it again one last time, why not bully her once more cause she never does anything about it… it actually turned into the worst days of my life because people who were wishing me the best day were the ones destroying it. 

 I have to admit, it has been one hell of a life. Before I even forget it is unfortunate this will also be my last blog I get to publish this year, my goal was to reach 10k views and guys, we made it🥳 all thanks to you.

Enough of that.

Lets dwell on bullying

We’ve been talking a lot this year and last year about the importance of conversations with everyone especially teens. One of the most crucial topics to cover is bullying.

People who are bullied may struggle in their social or emotional development, face physical harm, and suffer academically. Sometimes, these negative impacts last months or even years after the bullying has stopped. And I am here for that. Truth is you can never heal from bullying no matter how old you are, I have 6/7 years trying to find myself, telling myself it’s alright and trying to calm myself but the truth is, it sucks seeing people that hurt you sooo much going on with their lives like nothing ever happened while you still struggle, suffer and afraid of the world.

Sometimes all we need is time

For those who know me I mean from way back, some even wondered where I disappeared to, why I stopped posting, how I can still manage to go on living after all the things I’ve faced, lol some even say I turned into a ghost isn’t that what you guys made me do? The social anxiety I had to battle all these years and overcoming depression and panic attacks not to mention suicidal thoughts and suicidal attempts. God knows how many times I’ve asked him to take me because truth is, you can never run away from bullying .

 If you did bullied me, fuck you for making my teenage years the hardest of all of them, fuck you again for making me think I wasn’t worth living or worth being loved and for also fucking up my self esteem. Maybe it was fun for you guys but it wasn’t for me, probably the worst years of my life. Look at me, it has been years I’m even sure other people don’t even remember they bullied me but I still think of them and I’ll never in my life forget the person who made me feel like I was living a borrowed life.

Healing and starting over 

 And for anyone who laughed while I cried, you should go check yourself also  because I still don't know how some of find cyberbullying  funny ,that is some good sign of stupidity, in a world where we're faced with an educational crisis,gender based violence, outbreak of pandemic diseases and many more socio- economic issues. who care if my picture looks so oily, bluryy , i look crusty as a biscuit, i don't have a well structured body, my skin color, what i wear , shit some people are so disgusting with desperation for social media approval.

Studies have confirmed that girls who have been cyber bullied are three times more likely to succumb to clinical depression at some point in their life. If the bullying experience involves sexual content, the chances of the female victims experiencing depression are six times higher. 

Consequences of bullying at young age

SUFFERING GRADES
•Students who are bullied will not have the strength or the will to focus on their studies. Their emotions will be affected, something that will affect their concentration and hence lower their grades. Victims will feel angry, stressed, and sad all the time; factors that have been known to decrease levels of productivity.

SUICIDE
•Some victims of cyber-attacks have gone as far as killing themselves. When someone is bullied continuously, especially by a large crowd of people and over a long period of time, the pressure they feel from the embarrassment and humiliation may often drive them to commit suicide. This may also be partly informed by the fact that most victims of cyber bullying are usually diagnosed with clinical depression.

Overcoming bullying 

Many of the warning signs of cyberbullying revolve around a person’s use of a device. The following are some of the warning signs that I faced when dealing with cyber bullying: 

Increases or decreases in device used, including texting, are noticable.
emotional reactions (laughter, rage, or upset) to what is happening on social media.
When others are nearby, I used to hide my screen or device and avoids discussion about what I am doing on my device.
Social Media accounts are deactivated( last day I got bullied was the day I decided to take my Facebook down) until this year cause of my blog I had to create a new one.
I began to avoid social situations, even those that I previously enjoyed.

Lost interest in people and activities.

Now I am not here to make anyone feel guilty for what they did and I won’t justify anyone who said what they said and say “they were just kids” cause no child does that to another child.  This year I learnt a lot of self love, boosted my self esteem got 0 social anxiety nor suicidal thoughts. I remember Jacqueline would forever remind me that I’m beautiful whenever I got bullied talking about one person who stood up for me all these years ❤️🥺. 

Truth is, I had to do a lot of things just soo I could feel like I belong in this world but I love myself more than anything now, I might have 99 problems but being a dark skinned ain’t one of them.  While I’m Choosing to let go of this I am also choosing to forgive anyone without an apology from them, I wish everyone the best also. 

My message:

This message is for all the people who are struggling on their looks and have insecurities.

Let me tell you something, don't feel insecure by just having acne, pimples or even your color, "real talk". All I can say to all people that are struggling on their insecurities, even you have "UNCLEAR SKIN" or "DARK SKIN" you're beautiful and handsome, just try to find your confidence, how can you find that? By embracing all of your insecurities❤️ 

Be safe guys and enjoy your festive.