DATING YOUR FRIENDS EX: THE GOOD AND THE BAD.

Am I wrong for falling in love?

You’re Not a Bad Person for Wanting to Date Your Friend’s Ex, But You Need to Do It Right. It doesn’t have to be a choice between romance or friendship.

Here’s the question, is dating your friends ex cool or not? It Depends on your social circle, and more specifically, on how reasonable and mature they are.

Reasonable, mature people know that when a relationship ends, it's over. 

Reasonable, mature people know that you do not own your ex, and that if someone else (including a friend) wants to date your ex, that's okay but is it really okay? Although You didn’t plan it this way. You didn’t even seek it out. It just sort of happened. But then you are not immature for not wanting your friends to date your ex, if it hurt’s it hurt’s.

You’re into it, they into it, there’s some serious chemistry, and you might have stumbled upon something really special. There’s just one problem.

He/She has history with one of your friends.

Now, you’re faced with a most unenviable predicament: Walk away from someone who could end up being the love of your life, or put one of your friendships in jeopardy.

What if it works?

We all thought maybe Maddy(Euphoria) was being selfish for getting mad at Casey for dating Nate but if it was you being in Maddy’s shoes what could you have done? I am not not one to follow celebrity gossip but when Bonang unfollowed Nadia for dating AKA y’all laughed but if it was you, would you have laughed? It’s not really a thing to just take lightly, okay now my ex is dating my bestfriend, sh** don’t make sense to me.

In discussing this topic with my female friends, it seems to me that men are especially experienced in dealing with this dilemma. Like it or not, we find ourselves appreciating our buddies’ tastes in women/men (what can I say, great minds think alike!). Say a friend of mine breaks up with so-and-so, and we run into him at a party. We end up having a great conversation, and try as we may, sometimes no amount of telling ourselves, “Pull yourself together, man! Don’t be an a-hole,” can prevent us from wondering, “What if . . .?”

Letting go and choosing friendship 

In some ways this is perfectly natural. Guys and girls get to know their friends’ significant others in nonthreatening, no-pressure contexts and learn to appreciate what their friend liked about them. They likely have things in common and, even after the breakup, still share many of the same friends, and we’re all looking for love, right? This sort of stuff happens more than you might think.

People often have a bad opinion of pursuing friends’ exes. And there certainly are times when people who go down this path find that it really wasn’t worth it. But if you’re wondering how to go about dating your friend’s ex, and you think the pursuit might really have potential, don’t worry, you are not a terrible person. But you do need to make sure you go about this right.

Luckily, a woman can approach this in pretty much the same way a man does, and that’s where I can help a sister out. Take it from a guy who has been in this tight spot a time or two—there are three things you must do before moving forward with your friend’s ex.

What if they are your soulmate? Ever thought of that?

Perhaps you’re thinking to yourself, “We’re all adults here. What’s the big deal?” Here’s the thing. Anyone who has had any sort of meaningful romantic relationship can tell you that—over it or not—it would be difficult for them to be around their ex. So even if your friend is “OK” with you dating her ex, you are likely going to see a lot less of your friend.

A lot of folks are neither reasonable nor mature. They tend to cling to a possessive mindset about former partners ("Hey, she's MINE! I know we broke up, but she's still MINE! Hands off my property, bub!"), or they believe that anything that causes them to feel bad must be wrong ("I still have not let go of the relationship, and if you date her, I will feel bad. If I feel bad that means you are doing something wrong. Hands off, bub!")

I find it best, to be honest, to avoid social circles made up of such people. I have no problem with a friend of mine dating my ex, but then again, I understand that I do not own my friends or my exes.

One of the hardest lessons to learn on the path to maturity is this: Just because I feel bad, that doesn't necessarily mean someone else is doing something wrong.

Always choose yourself 

A buddy of mine recently mentioned that she might invite my ex to a party that we were going to and asked what I thought about that. I was honest with her and told her I’d probably be less likely to go if I knew he would be there. It’s not because I still had feelings for him. I just wasn’t jumping at the chance to be around him.

And that’s really what we’re talking about here. Breakups require space. And if you want to spend time with someone who has been “spaced” by a friend, that will very likely mean that you will then be spaced from your friend, too.

The question you need to ask yourself, then, is whether it’s worth it.